so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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