Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
