Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
