Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
