New low: just hacked my moms facebook
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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