I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
