Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
