We're facebook friends in real life
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
