he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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