Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
