does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
