Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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