I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
