My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize