break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize