I must be too annoying 4 u.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
