What a fucking waste of an outfit
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
