69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
