Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
