Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize