I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
