I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
