I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
