well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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