I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
