i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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