OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
