2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
zippers are such a cool invention
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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