I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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