i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
