I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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