she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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This is my gift to your gina
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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