quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
