Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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