she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
