I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
