I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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