Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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