He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
