Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
