Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
