i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
