Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm always down for nudity.
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