There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
