The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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