there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
