their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
