My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
