awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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