I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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