I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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