Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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