She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
