You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
