All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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