If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
