am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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