Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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