i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
