We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
