"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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