Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
