I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
