He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
where does the pee come out of this thing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just high enough for therapy.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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