There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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