I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
