peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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