just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
