she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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