You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
