12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
