Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
