i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
