it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Slut skills are useful in every country.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
