I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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