The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
