I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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