On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Boobs are out for the taking
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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