just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
