i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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