It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
