I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
