you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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